Vicevi o glazbenicima

[zvincic]

Kaze dijete mami: "kad odrastem zelim biti muzicar"
mama odgovara: "odluci se, ne mozes oboje"


P: Sto je predivna zena na ruci basista?
O: tetovaza

P: Koja je slicnost izmedju bubnjara i filozofa?
O: obojica shvacaju vrijeme kao apstraktni koncept

P: koja je razlika izmedju gitarista i jumbo pizze?
O: pizza moze nahraniti obitelj

P: koja je razlika izmedju mlaznjaka i trube?
O: oko 3 decibela

P: koja je razlika izmedju operne pjevacice i pit bulla?
O: ru? za usne

P: kako zoves gitarista koji zna samo dva akorda?
O: glazbeni kriticar

P: koja je razlika izmedju saxa i motorne pile?
O: pilu mozes ustimati

P: zasto su prsti violinista kao munja?
O: rijetko pogode isto mjesto dva puta

P: kako natjerati dva basista da sviraju unisono?
O: ubij jednog

P: kako natjerati gitarista da prestane svirati?
O: daj mu note

P: sta napravis ako pregazis basista autom?
O: ubacis u riverc


i neki koji ne zvuce kao treba kad ih prevedemo na nas milozvucni jezik:

Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.

Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up the banjo.

Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
A: "That's the banjo player's Porsche."

Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: The can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.

Q: How many 2nd violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they can't get up that high !!!!!!

Q: What's the perfect weight of a conductor?
A: Three and one-half pounds, including the urn.

Q: How do you reduce wind-drag on a trombonist's car?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof

Q: How do you get a three piece horn section to play in tune?
A: Shoot two of them.

Q: How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: How do you define a perfect pitch?
A: When the Saxophone lands in the MIDDLE of the dumpster.

i za kraj jedan vic

A jazz pianist dies and finds himself in heaven. He runs into an old
friend and says "Bob, you made it too, that's great.

"Yeah, turns out God's a big jazz fan. All of the cats are here, and
every day is a non-stop jam session
with a never-ending supply of wine, women and food. There's just one
drawback."

"What's that?"

"Well, God has a girlfriend, and she's a singer."